Rick Tastic Goes To China… For The Weekend – Saturday Night

Our first stop is the same shisha lounge from the night before. We grab a table outside and order some drinks... AND more shisha, except this time I'm NOT going to smoke enough to make me pass out in the bathroom.

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Lan Kwai Fong Sign
Our first stop is the same shisha lounge from the night before. We grab a table outside and order some drinks… AND more shisha, except this time I'm NOT going to smoke enough to make me pass out in the bathroom.

There's a large group of Asians (you know, cause we're in China) at the table next to us and they seem fun so I invite them to combine our tables and make a party.

Turns out it's the birthday of one of the girls… and the birthday girl happens to take a liking to Blake.

We're in.

Once the tables are combined one of the really cute Asian girls from the birthday group sits down next to me.


We talk for a while, getting to know each other and all that crap.

She gets up to use the restroom and Blake gets my attention, "Rick, how much longer do you want to be here? She's obviously into you, she's been focused on you and only you since we put the tables together! Are you gonna make something happen or what?"

"I think my dick's broken… this whole time we've just been talking. I haven't flirted with her, hit on her, made a pass. Why have I been so out of it the past couple nights?!"

"I don't know, but when she comes back either make something happen or call it quits."

If there's one thing I love about my friends it's their ability to get me to focus, which is something I tend to lose on occasion… sometimes… quite a bit.

She comes back and sits down. We resume talking, but unfortunately for my penis, it's too late… I spent too long trying to get to know her and waited too long to get into her pants.

By the time Blake made me realize how unfocused I had been she had lost interest so the conversation stalled out.

Rick Talking to JanetteAaaannnnnnnd she's done…

Time to move on.

We pay the tab, say goodbye and head downstairs to the street.

We go to the bar that was playing 80s hits on Friday and take a booth. We chill out, have a few drinks, and then I feel it…


"Yo! What is it?"

"Top of the bell curve, dude. I'm there."

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"I'm at the top of the bell curve, man! The perfect combination of drunk and awesome! If you want to make something happen tonight, NOW is the time to do it!"

"Let's go!"

Rick Dancing up Lan Kwai FongSomeone's been drinking…

Since I fucked someone last night Blake takes the lead in choosing targets while I act as wing man.

I don't remember how many groups of girls we approached because I ran out of fingers and I was wearing shoes.

I do, however, remember meeting Vee: a sexy little Chinese girl who speaks fluent Cantonese and English (with a hot British accent no less). She was with her friend, Jen, when Blake and I met them. We chatted for a little while but parted ways for reasons I can't recall. 

Lan Kwai Fong Corner
Later in the night Blake and I find ourselves in a place called China Bar and I spot Vee and Jen on the dance floor. We make our way over to them, Blake starts dancing with Jen and I with Vee. Things seem to be going well for a while: a lot of heavy eye contact and seductive smiling, plenty of booty grinding and wandering hands.

I go in for the make out and she gives me the cheek.

Nice, a little resistance, I can deal.

We dance for a few more minutes.

I make a second attempt and she gives me the cheek.

A couple more minutes go by, we get closer, our faces inches away, and I go in for the kiss again.

And she gives me the cheek.

Looks like this one is gonna take some work.

Before I get another chance Vee and Jen leave to use the bathroom and Blake comes over to me before heading outside, "Come on, Rick, let's get outta here, these girls are just fucking with us to keep our attention."

I can't quite figure out what game Vee's playing, but she's way too cute for me to give up this easily. I head outside to catch up with Blake.

"It's probably a lost cause, but I'm not ready to give up just yet."

"Rick, it's not going anywhere, you haven't even made out yet!"

"I know, and it does feel like she's just fucking with me…"

"Well, what do you wanna do?"

"Ahhh fuck it! I don't see us hooking up, but I just wanna make out with her. Then I'll call it quits and we can roam the streets again."

"Your call, you got 5 minutes."

As I'm walking back into the bar I hear Blake behind me, "TOP OF THE BELL CURVE!"

I find Vee back on the dance floor. She sees me walking toward her and smiles. I don't know what happened in the couple minutes I was gone, but as soon as we resume dancing I start kissing her neck and as I make my way up to her face I slide my hand behind her head and through her hair. As soon as my lips touch hers they lock.

She kisses well… very well, actually. I'm impressed.

When we come up for air she grabs me by the hand and pulls me to the bar with Jen. They order a couple drinks. I get a water because I know where this is going so it's time to sober up. We chat for a bit before I extend the invitation.

"Let's get outta here."

Good one, you rehearsed that didn't you?

Thanks, and yeah, I did.

Thought so, I like the subtlety of it.

Me too, it took a while to get the wording just right. Let's see if she goes for it.

Believe me, my loins are quivering with anticipation. 

She smiles and bites her lower lip (I love that look). She looks down to think about it, and then looks back up at me and smiles, "Let me tell Jen."

She turns to Jen, explains what's going on, Jen nods, they hug goodbye, and then Vee turns back to me, "Ok."

"Good deal, I just need to tell Blake I'm leaving."

I take her by the hand and lead her out of the bar.

As we're walking I can't help but think about how different the party culture is here. Back in the states it would have taken an act of God before a girl would let her one girlfriend leave her in a bar to go home with a guy and, yet, I detected zero hesitation in Jen when Vee told her she was leaving. Jen didn't give me any dirty looks or act bitchy toward Vee, she simply nodded and they hugged goodbye. And the same thing happened the night before: the ginger simply told her friends she was leaving and they said goodbye. There were no arguments or requests to interview me to make sure I was "safe" or "good enough."

Asian women: 2*
American women: -1** 

* the ginger grew up in HK so I'm including her
** you start out at -1 because a lot of you are stupid 

Miss South Carolina 2007Like I said… stupid

We find Blake outside, still waiting.

"Damn, Rick, what the hell took you so long?!"

"Sorry, man. We're leaving, you have the other room key, right?"

"Yeah, I got it."

"Alright, have fun, I'll see you guys in a bit."

We bro hug and I wave goodbye to Hugh and Ash.

Vee and I walk down the street and jump in the first taxi we see. I give the driver the address of the hotel and we "settle in" to the backseat.

After getting to the hotel we barely make it into the room before clothes start coming off. I throw her on to the bed and we go at it like your grandmother and that donkey from Tijuana back in '47. (Yeah, you know the one I'm talking about, and if you don't, well, you've now just imagined your grandmother fucking a member of the equidae family… how's it feel?)

It's been a while since I've fucked a girl like Vee: a girl who knows exactly what she wants and has no problem voicing it or letting everyone within earshot know when she likes it.

Speaking of which…

All that bullshit about porn setting up false expectations for men regarding sex is just that: bullshit. There are plenty of women out there that fuck like porn stars who do NOT fuck on camera or get paid for it. I don't want a woman who just lets me fuck her, I want a woman who makes me fuck her, and makes me fuck her the way she wants to be fucked.

Voice your desires, ladies. I will decide whether or not I want to fulfill them, but at least they're on the table instead of in your head… which is important, you know, because WE CAN'T READ YOUR MINDS! 



When I first notice the signs I pull out and go down on her while trying to "massage" the blood flow back. Unfortunately it doesn't work, the little guy is dead, and it doesn't take long before she catches on.

"Don't worry, you probably just drank too much…"


"Are you mad?"

"I really want to fuck your brains out right now and this is obviously not helping me do that… so, yeah, kinda pissed."

Unsure of how to respond she carresses my arm for a while, "Well… do you wanna shower with me?"

"…yeah, sure."

We take a shower and as I'm getting out I hear some voices outside the hotel room. I open the bathroom door just as Blake rushes into the room.

"Hey Rick! PAAAARRRR… FUCK! I did NOT need to see that!"

"Well, it's not like you knocked."

"At least put a towel on!"


Vee gets dressed and walks out shortly after so I do the introduction thing, "Everyone, this is Vee. Vee, this is everyone."

Blake voices a question, "What's up Vee?! How would you like to donate to a good cause?"

A little confused, Vee responds, "Huh?"

"Yes, we're trying to find girls willing to donate their time and residence to Rick for tomorrow night since he's officially homeless at 1pm!"

"Hahahaha thanks guys, she already told me I could store my crap at her place."

Vee turns to me, "I should probably get going."

"You're right. Next adventure! Let's go!"

We head downstairs, find a taxi outside the hotel and jump in. 



Have you ever been to Hong Kong? How much trouble did you get into? Where did you go? Comment below and tell me about it!

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Tags: / Category: Asia