Rick Tastic Goes To China… For The Weekend – Thursday Night

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Hong Kong at Night


I'd like to take a moment to say how much I love the people I work with and for. I may not enjoy my work ALL the time, but a few of the people make it worthwhile.

For the sake of discussion I'll say I have two primary bosses, and my relationship with them is like that of two parents and their favorite child.

Here's a dramatic re-enactment of that fateful December 13th morning at the office.

Me: Last night my friend invited me to go to Hong Kong with him for the weekend and flights are really cheap and all my work is done. Well, pretty much done… sooooooo can I go?!

Dad: Hmmm… I wish you'd told me sooner.

(He enters deep thought)

Dad: I really want to say no… but go ask Mom, if she says yes I'll be ok with it.

Me (to Mom): I have an opportunity to go to Hong Kong for pretty cheap, but the flight leaves today. Dad's not thrilled since it's such short notice, but it was a last minute invite and I've never been… oh, and the flight leaves in 6 hours.

Mom: I'm not a fan of the short notice either, but… you're young, you should get the most out of life while you can…

Me: Really?!

Mom: Go! Before you miss the flight!

I wouldn't trade my bosses for anything.

I rushed home that day, threw some shit in a bag and raced up to LAX.

My flight left at 5:30pm and I made it to LAX, checked in, and got through security by 3:30 PM.



I land at 2am (so technically it's Friday) and catch a shuttle to the…


The Excelsior Hotel and Street at Night
You have to say it in a deep, Olde English tone of voice or it doesn't fucking count.

Anyway, that's the hotel Blake and I are staying at.

Blake meets me in the lobby, "DUDE! I can't believe you're actually here!"

"Yeah, THAT will teach you to make jokes on Facebook!"

"Hahahaha let's go up to the room!"

We head upstairs, I drop my shit, take a shower and get ready.

"Lan Kwai Fong is normally the spot to hit at night, but since it's already close to 4am I'll just show you Hong Kong's red light district in Wan Chai."

"Fuck yes. Hookers."

We walk about a mile before we see the signs we're headed in the right direction.

  • Girls dressed like sluts
  • More girls dressed like sluts
  • Douche bags
  • Huge neon signs lighting up the streets

Wan Chai Johnston Road
I'm starving by the time we get there so we hit up a little Greek food shop (I have an obsession with falafel and gyros).

We chow down and then head back down the street.

As we're walking we see a couple bars with some Asian girls outside… just standing there. As Blake and I get close they start whistling at us, and as we're walking in front the bars they come up to me and grab me by the arm, trying to pull me in.

"Oooo sexy, sexy… you come in?"

"Yes, come in, come in! You like! We promise!"

"You know you like! Come! Come! We show you good time!"

I love this place already. I shake my arm loose of the 50 lb Asian girl's grip and we continue walking.

"No! Come back! You promise you come back later?"

We find a small sports pub Blake had visited earlier and wait at the bar. It's relatively empty, but being inside I almost feel like I'm back home. They have a couple large LCD TV's showing American football and the walls are adorned with a bunch of random bar/pub items (license plates, pictures, all that crap).

The bartender comes over to us, "What can I get you?"

Blake orders for us, "Two kamikaze shots and a couple beers!"

As the bartender is mixing up the shots there's an Asian couple next to us who apparently doesn't find the shots too aesthetically pleasing.

The guy looks at Blake and me and smiles, "I wanna know if you see God after taking that."

I laugh and turn toward him, "That would be amazing! I've been dying to meet Her my whole life!"

The Asian guy and his girlfriend burst out laughing and almost fall out of their chairs.

Damn, I should be a comedian here.

We take the shots at the bar and bring the beers to a table and sit down.

While Blake and I are catching up he starts telling me about a certain type of girl in this area.

"You have to watch out for drinking girls. Sometimes they're hired by the bars and clubs, sometimes they're just out on their own. Their number one goal each night is just to sucker guys into buying them drinks, and believe me, they're good at it. In this case, it literally is their job."

My first thought is yeah, right. It's not that I don't believe such girls exist, but I rarely ever buy drinks for girls in the first place so what could these girls possibly do that's different from girls back in America?

If you're a girl and I buy you a drink the situation falls under one of three categories

  1. We're really good friends (and strictly friends)
  2. We've already had sex
  3. It's very obvious we're going to have sex

Drinks are expensive, and I don't even like buying them for myself so why the hell am I going to spend that money on someone I don't know?

Whatever, I'll be on the look out for them.

As we continue talking I keep noticing the trio of girls at the table next to us occasionally glancing over at us. I catch one of them continually glancing at me so I smile back. She immediately looks away.

How cute.

The girls eventually leave and Blake and I get more and more drunk before we head across the street to a club called the Players Club.

Walking in, it's pretty much just an island bar with a dance floor and a DJ. The lighting is dark red and the place is pretty packed. We go to the bar and do some Jäger bombs.

While we're sitting at the bar this guy from Australia comes up to the bar next to us and starts talking to me. He has a really thick accent and the bar is loud as hell so I can barely understand him. I have no idea what he's saying but his body language is creeping me out so I more or less ignore him until he starts talking to Blake.

Blake eventually shakes him off as well and we walk over to the dance floor.

As we're breaking it down we're drawing the attention of the entire bar and I notice the three girls from the sports pub. They're off the dance floor watching Blake and I, smiling and giggling to each other. Girl A is the tallest of the group, but that's not saying much since she's about 5'6". She's decent-looking: skinny, long black hair, and a face I could definitely have sex with in the dark. Girl B is slightly shorter than Girl A but much cuter. She's not as skinny, but she's got a nice face and a nice rack. Finally, Girl C is the shortest of the group. She looks Filipino, has a huge fucking rack, and a face I could definitely have sex with in broad daylight.

As Blake and I are dancing I signal to him the three girls. Blake immediately goes over and starts dancing with them. Once I see he's going after Girl B I join in the fun and start dancing with Girl C (aka FilipinoHugeRack). Occasionally I try giving some attention to Girl A to make sure she doesn't feel too left out, but she seems perfectly fine just following her friends around and watching Blake and I dance with them.


After doing a little salsa, swing and booty grinding Blake and I have the girls laughing and smiling their asses off (or in my girl's case, her huge fucking tits). I swoop in for the make out with my girl a few times and in each instance she just gives me the cheek, smiles, and laughs while playfully swatting my shoulder.

After the fourth or fifth time Girl A comes out of no where and starts dancing with me. Well, she tries to dance with me, but she's not smiling and her moves are so mechanical it's a turn off. I take a break from FilipinoHugeRack to dance with Girl A and see if I can't loosen her up a bit.

It's a complete failure and I go back to dancing with FilipinoHugeRack.

At this point Girl A turns to FilipinoHugeRack and motions her to go to the bar.

FilipinoHugeRack turns to me, grabs my hand and motions me to go with them, "Shots! Le's do shots!"

We head to the bar and the rest of our time there is a blur.

There are some tits and shots and eventually Blake and I duck the fuck out at 7 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING and we head back to the hotel.

On to Friday!



Have you ever been to Hong Kong? What was your flight there like? Where did you stay once you arrived? Comment below and tell me about it!

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