Vegas won. No reason to even try and count the points like last time, but I’ll make them up anyway.
We get to Bally's around 10 and resume consuming alcoholic beverages (we had to pause between arriving at the hotel and getting to our rooms). Before we leave for the Palms I have Andy write, in large block numbers, his phone number on my chest just in case I break/lose my phone and/or end up in a ditch. At first he writes ANDY at the very top, at which I have to contemplate: do I keep a dude's name written blatantly in the middle of my bare chest or do I potentially cock block myself when my clothes come off at the end of the night by having him write some random girl's name instead?
JENNIFER it is!
Since we're going to be rolling into the club 9 dudes deep (that is so much dick), we might as well take a form of transportation that's as close to a phallic-object-on-wheels as we can get.
Oh look, a stretch Escalade.
We hop in and pretend to be the ballers we like to pretend to be while we’re pretending to pretend things. A whole 10 minutes later we get to the Palms Casino Resort.
Once there, we get our comp tickets and head inside to the entrance of Rain ("Wait! How did 9 dudes get comp tickets?!" – 2017 Rick). We find the line to get in. Awesome! There's nothing more that I love than standing in line… I exit the line and walk through the VIP entrance.
Once Andy gets through we walk into Rain with the biggest shit-eating grins imaginable. Andy approaches the first two women he sees: a cute younger blonde, and a smokin’ brunette cougar.
The cougar’s mine.
We lead them to the dance floor and the next half hour goes something like this: dance, make out, dance, dance, grope ("Really, 2010 Rick? You linked to the Wiki article on groping?" – 2017 Rick), make out, switch girls, grope, make out, dance, make out, grope, grope, switch back, make out, dance, dance, make out. After our clothes-on orgy the cougar brings us over to their table: a bottle-service-hosted bachelorette party.
The cougar and I resume making out and proceed to do so on every piece of furniture in the vicinity of their table. My hands have never been so many places on one woman in one club before. I try to leave with her several times, but she's afraid the bride-to-be will serve her head on a platter at the reception so I get bored with the lack of endgame and wander off, leaving Andy to fend for himself…
…and by "fend for himself" I mean he makes out with two or three married women at the bachelorette party while consuming as much of their alcohol as he can before also getting bored. Meanwhile I walk around, dance, find Angel and Rob, fuck with some girls, dance with some girls, dance by myself, make inappropriate eye contact with random people, and then meet up with Andy at the bar near the entrance.
We get a couple drinks and as I'm looking the other way two women walk in and up to the bar. Andy approaches. I turn around to see him talking to both of them. He starts focusing on the shorter one so I go in and start dancing with the taller one, who at this point I'd like to describe as being a tall (duh), gorgeous Latina named Ramona with a tight, triathlete's body (because she competes in triathlons, double duh) in a little black dress…
After dancing for a while the sexual tension is so thick you could cut a hole in it, lube it up, and fuck it. I slide my hand behind her neck and pull her in close…
She stops, and with a little smirk, whispers into my ear, "I don't make out in public."
I smile and whisper back, "I know just the place then."
I take her by the hand and lead her outside the club. As we're walking toward the exit of the casino to get a taxi her friend, Joyce, catches up.
"Hey, where are you guys going?"
I look at Joyce, "We're gonna go play in the jungle."
She looks at Ramona and then back at me, "Hahaha right. Well, let's get a taxi."
Once we're outside Ramona asks Joyce to hold our spot in line. I lead Ramona over by the sign for the hotel, lean up against the wall, pull her in and we start making out.
After a couple minutes she pulls away, smiles, bites her lower lip and then looks me in the eyes, "We should probably go check on Joyce."
I smile back and pull her in for one more kiss, "Good idea."
We head back to the line for the taxis and she's almost at the front. We hop in line with her and get a taxi.
Joyce turns to me, "You can take the same taxi as us, but you have to go back to your hotel."
I look at Ramona, we smile, and then I turn back to Joyce, "That's a wonderful idea."
We stop at the MGM to drop Joyce off. The taxi door closes and Ramona's on top of me.
We get to Excalibur where Ramona is staying. She pays the driver and as she opens the door she turns to me, "I had fun tonight… I guess you're going back to your hotel now?"
I smirk, "Of course not, we're going up to your room to play Connect Four."
She giggles, “Okay!”
I take her by the hand and we walk into Excalibur. As soon as we're inside I freeze.
She turns to me, "What's wrong?"
I feel my pockets and start laughing.
“What’s so funny?”
"Shit! Did you leave it in the cab?"
We go outside, but of course the cab is long gone. Oh well… it was a good run #4, it’s not like I prepared for this by having Andy write his number on my chest with some random girl’s name above it…
To sum up the next 5 minutes: get in the elevator, make out, get to her floor, make out, make it halfway down the hallway, make out, get to the door, make out.
Once we're in the room she gets her phone and tries calling mine to see if anyone will answer. No one does, so she hangs up. Putting her phone down, she turns to me, "I guess we should wait a few minutes before calling again."
I look her in the eyes and smile, "A ‘few minutes’… How are we going to pass the time?"
I press her body against the dresser. She bites her lip as I pull her in and start kissing her neck, "This is dangerous."
I respond, feigning innocence as our faces get closer, "What makes you say that?"
She pulls away slightly, looks back at me, and smiles, "There are beds around."
A few minutes later…
She goes over to the dresser and tries calling my phone. Once again, no one answers. She starts getting worried about her friends coming back so she tells me she'll walk me down to the lobby. We make it about halfway to the elevator before she's up against the wall. After that pit stop we make it to the elevator… almost. We’re distracted by a table, and a mirror, and her dress ripping.
Finally at the elevator, she turns to me, "My dress is ripped, there's no way I'm going down into the lobby”, at which point she looks me in the eyes and grins, “and I know exactly what's going to happen if I get in that elevator with you."
I take her by the hand and lead her into the elevator, "Happen? What could possibly happen?"
The doors close and we go at it for 11 floors while I search for the emergency stop button. She grabs my hand. The elevator reaches the lobby.
I guess elevator sex isn’t being scratched off the bucket list tonight.
We kiss goodbye as she pushes the button for her floor. Apparently, though, elevators don't like waiting for goodbyes. The doors close and we go at it for 11 more floors. The doors open on her floor. She writes her number down, signs it as Jennifer (clever girl), the elevator doors close, and I descend back to the lobby.
I hop into a cab and ride back to Bally's to find Andy and Rob talking to two girls at the bar.
A few hours earlier at Rain…
Andy sees Rob talking to two girls at the bar. Being the good friend he is, he goes up and starts flirting with the other girl, a redhead.
Andy decides to play a little game, "Tell you what… you buy me a drink that you think is appropriate for me and I'll buy you a drink that I think is appropriate for you".
The redhead orders Andy’s drink.
Shortly thereafter it arrives and she hands Andy a Jack-and-Coke, "Here you go."
"That's very appropriate because I got drunk off Jack-and-Coke earlier tonight. Thank you.”
Using pictures and hindsight we are now able to recall what he might have said if people had to say exactly what they were thinking:
“That’s very appropriate because without the Jack-and-Coke I got drunk off of earlier I wouldn’t be able to talk to you considering what you look like in any kind of decent lighting, but since I’m distracting you so Rob can get in your friend's pants the alcohol better enables me to tolerate your presence right now. Thank you.”
The other drink arrives and, with a smile, Andy hands it to the girl, “Here's a redheaded slut."
Andy and Rob end up leaving the club with the two girls. Andy is still entertaining the red head, though not really into her… still.
High five for taking the grenade!
At some point the redhead feels the need to tell Andy, "Just so you know, I'm not going back to your hotel room with you." The elevator doors open and they start walking down the hallway toward our room.
Andy replies, "Excellent! I don't like it when women try to use sex for leverage or to gain power. Besides, at the end of the day I can just masturbate, so it doesn't really make a difference to me… Cheers to masturbation!"
And in the next moment she jumps on Andy and tries to have sex with him in the hallway.
Technically, she held true to her values since she didn't actually go INTO the room with him.
By the end of the night we're down 2 phones, 2 credit cards, and 1 room key.
Actually, once Rob and Andy see their girls in semi-decent lighting we realize we’re actually down 2 phones, 2 credit cards, 1 room key and 2 dignities.
On to Saturday!
Have you been to Vegas? What was your first time like? What was your favorite memory from the experience? Comment below and tell me about it!
- VEGAS. ROUND 1. THURSDAY & FRIDAY – POPPING THE CHERRY
- VEGAS. ROUND 1. SATURDAY – KARMA'S A BITCH
- VEGAS. ROUND 2. SATURDAY – GIRLS DIRECT TO YOUR ROOM IN 20 MINUTES
- VEGAS. ROUND 2. SATURDAY – POOLS AND HOOKERS!
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